he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
