My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
