If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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