this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
