Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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