She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
