I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize