Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
