you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
