hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
