420 ftw
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
