Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
