I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
