please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
