Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
