I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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