i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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