toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize