Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
