He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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