Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
