This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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