She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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