end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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