I want to make a zoo with you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize