I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
