sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I will pee on everything he values.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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