One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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