I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
