he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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