apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
