i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
