We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
