He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
