member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize