we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
