I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
