Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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