Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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