it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
