remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
