best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
