bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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