People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
