he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize