well I can't set my house on fire every night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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