I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize