Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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