I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
