turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
