That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
