Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
