I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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