I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
