Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This girl is more easily done than said...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
