Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
