Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize