You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
