OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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