I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
