My balls are so social today.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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