I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize