My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
