Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
