I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
