hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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