Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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