TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize