I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
