if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
