My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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