Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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