He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
